I wonder if my portrayal is missed??
- me: nothing is more important than canon
- novel a: a
- me: nothing is more important than disregard for canon
Hello.
In order to try and prepare a return, I will be unfollowing pretty much everyone. I know some people unfollowed me already out of my inactivity, which I, naturally, understand very well.
I’m afraid I am overwhelmed with things I owe. It wasn’t really a matter of taking more than I could chew but a matter of just wanting to be friendly to everyone - not that I advocate its contrary, ever. It’s just… I never wanted to have an ask blog but a roleplay blog and there are certain rp styles I don’t identify with to boot, just like not everyone will identify with mine. So, I will only keep following people I feel comfortable with as writing partners and friends.
By unfollowing, I mean no insult. If I unfollow it does not mean a thing about your writing or the way you manage your blog. All it means is that, right now, I am the one who cannot deliver any more. I am sorry about it but I must accept my limitations instead of always being frustrated with not being a higher mortal than what I am. You are either free to keep following me if that’s the case or unfollow me as well, just like you’re welcome to drop by my askbox ooc-ly.
I want to roleplay with a very limited number of people because it’s the best option for my time management and mental health. My ask box is always open to everyone, provided you keep in mind there are certain things I will always prioritize.
Thanks to everyone who has previously followed me, sent me asks, liked my content.
Hiatus.
I guess it’s pretty obvious but I haven’t been writing anything here these days. That in itself is nothing special, as I wasn’t publishing daily either way, but this time it feels different. I don’t know when I will feel like writing so I cannot predict a return - but yes, I will get to it, eventually, because I have lovely plots to continue, should my partners feel like it!
Goodbye for now.
♠ Right! I am still adding songs and playlists but I’m proud to introduce a soundtrack page, featuring playlists of songs I associate with Ace across the multiple instances I have for him.
Some are about him. Some work from his POV. Some others would have to do with specific relationships, ages, events. Others he would sing and/or play with his band; some others he’d listen to. And though rare, there’s also filler music according to the overall ambience.
♠ Here’s a funny behind-the-writing thing.
On average, I take 2 hours working on a single reply. This includes coming up with what I have to write, checking the dictionary to make sure I mean what I mean, think of synonyms when a word does not please me, revise Ace’s speech to make sure it’s believable enough to come out of his mouth and look up typos - I don’t get a perfect result but I do worry about all these things.
Heavier threads - such as those with Sabo, some with Law, Sheila too - take me between 4 and 5 hours. Not only do they require all those things, they also require more of an actor’s approach. The quickest I can be while obeying the aforementioned criteria is 1 hour. I cannot be any faster and I do not mean to.
Of course these times include coffee breaks and distractions too but now you know!
[Oh god that is exactly what I thought about earlier, when writing a drabble for my OC Ann, who’s Ace’s twin sister. Poor, poor Ace. There was no one there to give him the love he needed and deserved.. Now I wanna hug him even more]
I realise I could/should have phrased things differently, for what I wrote seems rather dumb. So let me expand on it a bit.
Of course Ace is alone until Sabo - and naturally they don’t become friends the day they meet, it takes time - and that is plain to see. However, many things are so plain to see, so conspicuous, we frequently overlook them. If we do, we also miss the chance to think more about them and really grasp their meaning.
It can be argued Ace is not truly alone, for he has Dadan and the bandits, and bless Dadan! But it’s not the same thing. No kind should have zero friends to play with. Though the Dadan Family’s around, they don’t replace a child friend as much as a child friend can replace them, and for all the love and admiration I have for Dadan I have to say that her not being the motherly type - which is perfectly fine for any woman! - does not help Ace in his situation.
Recently, I have said this in thread and in an ooc ask too, but there would be a phase where Ace would even resent Garp for abandoning him. With Dadan not showing many signs of actually wanting him around, all of this amounts to Ace being alone and lonely indeed.
So that’s one think. But think about what that means. By experience, being alone is not so bad. If you are a child, while you will be missing out on group activities that will shape you into adult life by giving you the social skills you’ll need, together with tools of other sorts, you can be fine as you have games and activities that can be done individually. Especially if you have plenty of imagination to play make-believe.
I doubt Ace would be one of these children. For one, he’s a rather practical, as a child living with bandits in a place forsaken by society has to become to survive. Secondly, his imagination would have been shattered pretty soon - say, a really little and sweet Ace might imagine that one day Garp would come for real and take him to live with him instead of coming over for a couple of days. Or imagine his mother was not dead like everyone believed - ‘everyone’s wrong!’ - and one day she’d come. Or imagine himself to be living elsewhere. As neither of these ideas came to fruition, he would have lost his capacity to imagine the joyful scenarios typical of infancy.
And how miserable it should be for a child to not even be able to play alone and enjoy their own company; to imagine things will get better… Because said child has very strong feelings about himself, feelings so unfair and foul it’s the world’s sin they should have them…
I wonder how many times Ace saw his own reflection in the water and - rather than smash it as shown in the anime - actually punched himself, trying to destroy himself… I hate you, I hate you, I hate you…
♠ I am here thinking… How it fucking sucked for Ace to be alone before knowing Sabo. While I had already understood that he has no friends before Sabo and until Luffy appears the latter’s his only friend, I am just realising the weight of this…
Ace is alone. He has no company but his own. But he loathes himself and even if he wants to accept the fact there’s no else and pretend he’s stronger than what any toddler/little boy should be - ‘whatever, I’m alone, I don’t need no one’ - he can’t. Because, at this point, being with himself means being with Roger. And if there’s no one else, then there’s no one to distract him, someone for him to invest on loving as he can’t love himself.
Imagine the desperation he felt… To run away from himself.
♠ On a sidenote, I am always happy to receive ooc questions that are meta-related or rp-related if, say, I haven’t expressed something clearly enough; if you’re too shy to talk to me, etc.
If I do get them, I reckon they’ll be answered on Mondays-Tuesdays, to go with the Munday event and in doing so avoiding excessive ooc-ness.
♠ This is a plot call for my childhood settings - Canon B and Neverland. You can read about these and other verses here. Additional info is under the cut.
Please message me for discussion - alternatively, like this post and I will IM you.
♠ This is a plot call for my modern settings - generic modern, Greaser and Titanic. You can read about these and other verses here. Additional info is under the cut.
Please message me for discussion - alternatively, like this post and I will IM you.
♠ I feel I’ve had enough of a break. I should be focusing on what I have pending and ignore my dashboard for the time being, so this is a heads-up that I won’t be looking at it should you post something important - message me privately if needed.
As always, I am sorry I’m not any quicker and thanks to my partners who’ve been giving me the pleasure of their writing since always.
Do message me if you have a plot idea.
♠ Sorry I haven’t posted anything recently. I don’t have the mental health for it and this isn’t making me happy. See you soon.
♠ Friendly reminder that if you happen to read what I write for/to someone else and it contains instances where I write parts of the character on the other end, you don’t have to worry I will do the same to you, whether you consider it godmodding or not depending on scale - I have permission from these partners to write an action or line by their character; as well as their trust to use my common sense about it so as not to be abusive of this permission. I will not take the same liberty with your replies/asks without your consent.
♠ Thanks to everyone who added sweet comments to my promo. It was very lovely of you!